Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
