Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I lost the right to judge tonight
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
