When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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