But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
