that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
