I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
