You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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