when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
