I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
