I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
