but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had to cum in my sink.
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