I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
