I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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