I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
