Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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