we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
