can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
