Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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