oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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