drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
