Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
