You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
