Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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