so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
