Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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