I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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