In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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