I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
