Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
