listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
