I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
