Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
