Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
