do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
