I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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