She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
