Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this will be a night to untag.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want to make out with him forever
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
