I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's just like the Real World with babies
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize