Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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