Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
