I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just had sex on a roof
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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