would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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