New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
