I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize