I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
