not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
