I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm too high and old for this...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
