goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize