the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
