Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
