whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
