Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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