Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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