I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize