Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
