why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
