Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
