Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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