Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
