Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm passing your future prison.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
