Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
