I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
