"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
