I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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