Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
