im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
be right there i have to get my cape
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
