Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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