I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
