You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
