She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
