I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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